Crushing dreams and rising tall

I hope you take the time to read this today, because it was a tough one for me to write.  I’ve been hanging on to all of this for a while and the timing had to be right.  Or did it?

For over 10 years, I’ve had a dream.  Its one myself and a few of my closest dear ones have been slowly nurturing, pruning, expanding, contracting –  always tending in the back of our minds and hearts.   Everything we have done in the past decade has in one way or another been connected to this dream we have.

Earlier this year, we felt like the time had come to stop messing around in the garden and start construction on this baby.  And in what seemed like a miraculous unfolding of the universe, it quickly started to become a reality.   It was so fast it was breathtaking. Contracts were drawn up, decisions where made, grants were received, notices were given.  It was happening!!!!  It was this wonderful love story 10 years in the making.  I couldn’t wait to blog to you all about having faith and the beautiful synchronicity of the universe.

Our bags were packed.  New beginnings, dreams coming true.

And then, in 24 hours, it was gone.

Gone.

Not like “oh sorry we are behind schedule and you can move in next month”.

Like Yes became No.  Like in one phone call, it was all over.

And even after a few days of confusion and the voice inside my head saying “this will work out” with 100% certainty – it just didn’t.

Well….. fuck…..

For most of my life, if I look back with some clarity, it was easy to be all spiritual and aware and yogic when life was idilic.  I’m known for being calm and rock solid and even *cough hack yuck* “inspirational”.  But when the darkness came – as it always does – and shit hit the fan, it ALWAYS took me a LONG time to remember all the things I preached when I was on the pulpit of the limelight.

“Have faith”

“Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.” Wayne Dyer

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it” Paulo Coehlo

“The physical world, including our bodies, is a response of the observer. We create our bodies as we create the experience of our world.” Deepak Chopra

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” Buddha

I wanted to beat myself up.  I wanted to figure out what it was I was still “not getting” or what lesson I “still had to learn”.  I wanted to blame my belief system and my genetics and my karma.  But instead, finally after decades of practice, I knew I had another choice.

I took a deep breath. And I choose to say thank you.

It wasn’t my instinctual response yet, no.  But the knowing that I could chose how to respond was there.

I didn’t know why this was happening, but I knew that 10 years from now, I would make sense of it.  So maybe the lesson was to finally realize that I might as well make peace with it now, without needing to know why.  I could choose to hold tight to all my principles and say thank you now, in this moment, for what seemed like an unfair and heartbreaking event.

Instead of asking why, I instead asked these four things.

1) What did I learn from this?

2) What could I have done differently?

3) Do I still want this dream?

4) What can I do right now with what I have?

And then the final lesson – that if you want something badly enough, you will keep going.  I don’t know why these challenges come up.  But every challenge I have ever faced has in the end been an incredible lesson.

So this time, I decided to embrace the lesson while it was happening.

We are still in the middle of this lesson, so I can’t tell you how it ends just yet.

But I can tell you that:

1) I learned so much from this experience already

2) I have a lot more to learn and I made some pretty big mistakes along the way.

3) You can bet you ass I am still going to achieve my dream.

4) We are moving to new jobs, new beginnings and I am constantly reminding myself that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

So cheers to you all, the brave dreamers and the broken hearted.

May we learn to bless the storm and have faith it will lead us to exactly where we need to be.

xo,

Dr TL

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